All Talk and No Action Friday, May 21, 2010

Story, Action, Drama, Romance, Comedy and whatever else you can think of - Kites joins the ranks of few movies, which lack all of the mentioned requisites.

This isn't a regular review. You can find out about Kites related paraphernalia elsewhere.

*****
Mr. Rakesh Roshan - An enviable brand, you have created in FilmKRAFT. Your movies have entertained many, for many years. So, keeping in mind your movie making acumen, just how in the world, did you come to write Kites ? Can't you accord some respect to your audience ? What in the world, gives you the right, to mock people who actually help you remain in business ? If I were you, I would be ashamed, to be called the story writer for this movie.

*****
Mr. Anurag Basu - Just when we thought you were gifted, you had to do this ? You now hold the title of making one of the most boringly, lifeless movies ever.

*****
Miss Kangana - You do a lot of depressing roles. In fact, I don't remember you ever playing a happy, lively girl, ever. Yet, even with what you are offered, you always impress. So why in hell did you accept this nonsensical garbage ?

*****
Miss Barbara - You chose well. Still, I think the biggest loser in this whole deal might be you. Or is it that they make more horrible movies in Mexico ?

*****
Dearest Hritik - A full two years after Jodha Akbar, and this is what we get ? Yes, a lot of shows may run full, owing to your physique and amazing dancing skills. Yet, a lot of us spend our hard earned money to get a glimpse of the Hritik of Lakshya or maybe, even a Mission Kashmir. This is the least you owe to your fans. Maybe you don't need our money. In these days of multiplex cinema, you can be assured of breaking even, at the very least. Still, don't you owe it your own self ? Whatever happened to your intelligence ?! Please spend your blood, tears, sweat on more meaningful cinema. Kites can't even be called cinema !

*****
All the Roshans - You guys mostly create magic onscreen. Yet, maybe, you should give yourselves (and us) a break and go separate ways. That way, one of you will show some sense and advise the others against trodding down the path to self destruction !!!

*****
Bollywood film makers - A lot of you wish to expand your viewership, go global, win awards and crack important deals. I wish you luck. Just don't name your rubbish as "Indian Cinema". Your movies make us cringe and it becomes difficult to clean up the mess after you leave ! Also, didn't you have a story writing class in school ? If story, which is primary to a film, is so difficult for you guys, please adapt from literature. But give us characters which make us feel for them. And please, please, please work on your idea of romance.

9 comments:

Sumedh said...

I knw u wasted good money on this movie- {obviously na- who asked u to watch such movie at Friday afternoon show :-)},
bt i was expecting atleast a few lines as review, even if there is nothing say that there is a NIL :-)

at the most say guys can go for Barbara :-)

ARJuna said...

Well, it just proves that hype doesn't help, unless of course the movie lives up to it, otherwise it's crash and burn, baby!!! But anyways sorry about the wasted money, maybe next time you should wait for the reviews and then decide if you need to see a film!!! :)

allthecrap said...

Hehe...you asked for it, no? After reading all the reviews you go to watch such movies. Ha..you cant blame them now :)you were warned.

I saw shreak instead.

All Talk and No Action said...

@Sumedh - I actually wanted to catch a preview on Thursday :P
About Barbara, all those teasers on television, are just meant to fool.

@ARJuna - I generally don't refer to reviews. Otherwise, I would have thought the world of Pa and 3 Idiots :) About Kites, I didn't have any hopes. It's just that the movie would beat oout all happiness out of you. Now that, I certainly didn't bargain for :)

@allthecrap - lucky You !

ajay said...

A fitting review of the movie. True to every word. I think the movie is utter trash but one thing for sure - Barabara looked good and Hrithik smart as ever. But seriously what a waste of talents and money and time :(

All Talk and No Action said...

@Ajay - Yeah, I can go on and on. However, enough time wasted on this rot :)
Thanks for stopping by.

K10 Keni said...

I know the expectations were high...But failure does come between success some time...so go easy at Mr Roshan...I M confident he will come with better next time

Vivek said...

I will be watching this one nonetheless; just to see what both sides are crying about

eatpraylovemovies said...

whoah... I almost heard the bomb explode... :)
I guess the film was a victim of all the publicity pre-release... a dvd watch didn't hurt after all the sucker reviews ;)

Here's what I thought -
http://eatpraylovemovies.blogspot.com/2010/11/kites-2010.html