All Talk and No Action

• Indian Politics and Mahabharat are both rich subjects, requiring deft treatment. Jha failed in this department. Why he mixed both, fails me.

• Life, including Politics, is mostly gray. Jha showcases Politics as uni-dimensional. "Everyone out there is a scoundrel" is what the message appeared to be. Really, it is a very damaging view to hold. Saner and more realistic movies to have come out on politics are Satta by Madhur Bhandarkar and Gulaal by Anurag Kashyap.

• The movie had awful character development. Katrina's new age woman, who is raring to go after the man of her dreams, giving in meekly to the demands of the men in her life, was such a no-brainer! Her character is treated like cattle - auctioned from one party to another. You may say that this is how it is for women from political families. Then, I say, don't show a street smart belle. Someone timid would seem more authentic. Or, at least show a decent fight being put up by the character. Pouts don't count! Similarly, Ranbir's "Arjun" was beyond me. I laughed out when, during the climax, he loathes politics, stating how it brings out the animal in him. Really?? No external force can ever bring out the animal in you, unless you already have one residing within. Ranbir's transformation from an international student of Victorian Poetry to a blood thirsty, scheming mastermind was an assault on my senses. For all the drama about his conscience, there was not a single scene depicting agony or internal debate within him. I hold similar views on all other characters in this opus. Bollywood movie makers really need to work on creating believable characters.

• At a subconscious level, the movie seemed to promote the idea that children of political families are born with political acumen. How else do you explain Ranbir's character? It seemed as if the guy had been writing poetry, always secretly wishing to manage a national election campaign. Duh !

• The quintessential rain sequence - The scene between Nikhila Trikha and Naseeruddin Shah gave the impression that all one requires to unleash stupidity in people is monsoon!

• The only good thing to have come out of the movie is the "Jesth Putra" scene between Trikha and Devgan. It is my official recommendation for the most hilarious scene of the year.

• It would be unfair to say that I found no good in the movie. Arjun Rampal was quite an unexpected delight. So was Shruti Sheth. But that's that.

Story, Action, Drama, Romance, Comedy and whatever else you can think of - Kites joins the ranks of few movies, which lack all of the mentioned requisites.

This isn't a regular review. You can find out about Kites related paraphernalia elsewhere.

*****
Mr. Rakesh Roshan - An enviable brand, you have created in FilmKRAFT. Your movies have entertained many, for many years. So, keeping in mind your movie making acumen, just how in the world, did you come to write Kites ? Can't you accord some respect to your audience ? What in the world, gives you the right, to mock people who actually help you remain in business ? If I were you, I would be ashamed, to be called the story writer for this movie.

*****
Mr. Anurag Basu - Just when we thought you were gifted, you had to do this ? You now hold the title of making one of the most boringly, lifeless movies ever.

*****
Miss Kangana - You do a lot of depressing roles. In fact, I don't remember you ever playing a happy, lively girl, ever. Yet, even with what you are offered, you always impress. So why in hell did you accept this nonsensical garbage ?

*****
Miss Barbara - You chose well. Still, I think the biggest loser in this whole deal might be you. Or is it that they make more horrible movies in Mexico ?

*****
Dearest Hritik - A full two years after Jodha Akbar, and this is what we get ? Yes, a lot of shows may run full, owing to your physique and amazing dancing skills. Yet, a lot of us spend our hard earned money to get a glimpse of the Hritik of Lakshya or maybe, even a Mission Kashmir. This is the least you owe to your fans. Maybe you don't need our money. In these days of multiplex cinema, you can be assured of breaking even, at the very least. Still, don't you owe it your own self ? Whatever happened to your intelligence ?! Please spend your blood, tears, sweat on more meaningful cinema. Kites can't even be called cinema !

*****
All the Roshans - You guys mostly create magic onscreen. Yet, maybe, you should give yourselves (and us) a break and go separate ways. That way, one of you will show some sense and advise the others against trodding down the path to self destruction !!!

*****
Bollywood film makers - A lot of you wish to expand your viewership, go global, win awards and crack important deals. I wish you luck. Just don't name your rubbish as "Indian Cinema". Your movies make us cringe and it becomes difficult to clean up the mess after you leave ! Also, didn't you have a story writing class in school ? If story, which is primary to a film, is so difficult for you guys, please adapt from literature. But give us characters which make us feel for them. And please, please, please work on your idea of romance.

With lots of time to kill last night, my brother and I zeroed in on My Name is Khan.

I always have reservations about a Johar movie, especially, when he directs it. Still, not heeding advice of empirical data and ignoring my intuition (which is almost always correct in pointing out potential disasters), we headed out to watch MNIK.

***************************************************************

Oh before we talk about this Opus, let me tell you, yesterday was an official paid leave for the Policemen of Mumbai.

About 30 policemen guarded the Cinemax we went to. We saw a dozen outside a closed Fame Adlabs too.

Well, a shut Adlabs would have cost a bomb to the owners, really. A weekend and no shows to run?

But that is not the point. Business losses toh hote rehte hain. Big Deal !

What I am happy about is that our overstretched, tired, un-appreciated policemen got a paid leave.

Only I don't know if being over-stretched yet doing real work is more exhausting than watching a Karan Johar movie.

***************************************************************

So back to MNIK.

Now here, for the first time, Karan Johar has tried his hand at "serious" and "meaningful" cinema.

I hope this is his last time.

My Name is Khan chronicles the life of a Rizwan Khan with Asperger's Syndrome. The movie is a three hour melodrama on his life, his outlook, his relationships, his beliefs, his religion, his kindness, mother-son relationship, husband-wife relationship, racism, Hindu - Muslim riots, 9/11, post 9/11 atrocities on various ethnic communities, Afghanistan, Iraq, President Bush, Hurricane Katrina, President Elect Obama.

There is more. But I am overwhelmed and hence cannot mention all the issues the movie brought up.

Terrorism, Mental/Physical Disorders and Religion - all require certain sensitivity to portray onscreen.

Karan fails colossally.

From the story to characterization - everything is faulty in this one.

The movie is so inconsistent when it deals with characters and historical events, that it leaves you feeling stupid.

E.g. Towards the end of Bush's term, when Obama catapulted on the world political stage, I remember reading that Bush had been advised to make lesser public appearances, since his face was actually doing more harm to Republican candidates than helping them win. So if you have followed the 2008 Presidential Elections, you would actualy know that Bush had almost disappeared from the public scene. Yet, the movie, not only shows Bush in his full glory, being treated like a King at all public appearances, and that at the fag end of his term ! Which would mean August/September 2008 ! Why Karan why??

Also, the relationship between SRK & Kajol is just so inadequate and glib that it leaves you speechless, really.

The movie has various such exasperating incidents and goof ups.

Also, in trying to address various issues, Karan loses track and ends up addressing nothing.

One wouldn't mind such stupidity, had the central characters been well written and brought out onscreen.

But SRK's Rizwan is not what a person with Asperger's Syndrome would look, dress and be like. Though SRK does a good job in some scenes, especially which only require him to smile coyly, or show his emotions when the situation demands, overall I wasn't convinced.

The biggest let down was Kajol's Mandira. The character has no depth and would seem like an opportunist by the end of the movie, if you are still watching it, that is. Kajol, though looks stunning, has a weak role and I am amazed how she didn't object while going with it.

The music by Shankar-Ehsan-Loy is very average and doesn't make the journey any easy for the viewer.

It would have made more sense to make a movie with a person afflicted with some disorder and focus on his relationships.

Or a movie just on Terrorism.

Or a movie on the plight of ethnic communities in the US after 9/11.

Or a superhero SRK flying in to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Yes, that would have been more convincing.

While I fidgeted in my seat last night, and almost cried out of boredom, I took an oath of never to watch Karan Johar directed movies, not even if I am thrown out of my house and have no avenues of killing time.

Best actor in a negative role - Boman Irani (3 Idiots) and not Kay Kay Menon (Gulaal) or Manish Chaudhary (Rocket Singh) or even Amol Gupte (Kaminey)

Best actor in a comic role - Omi (3 Idiots) and not 'Just Cheeel Dhondu' (All the best) or Santosh (Rocket Singh)

The best of all -
Best Entertainer of the year - Katrina Kaif. OK, really, What???

Like Aamir decides to give these functions a miss, I now decide to give the idiot box a miss.

Btw, just for my knowledge, did anybody bother to watch Gulaal or Rocket Singh ? Atleast tried to ?? Or were Paa and 3 Idiots so overwhelming that you lost your ability to think ?

I had been wanting to watch Arth ever since I learnt what 'the other woman' meant. This story of "the other woman" has garnered enough attention and debate in the past two decades.

Arth deals with a much married couple, happy with life and it's everyday chores, until, the husband professes his love for another woman. All his assurances of always "being there" for his wife as a friend, are insufficient to bring back her broken spirit.

How the wife then finds arth in her being and whether a man/woman can find solace without being bound in the comforts of a relationship is what the movie is about.

I wouldn't do a post mortem of the story since I hate to give in too many details while reviewing a movie.

But, I must mention that Shabana Azmi has never looked as beautiful as she has in Arth.

Apart from a fine performance, the lady looks dazzling, even sans make up !

Smita Patil, Kulbhushan Kharbanda and Raj Kiran do justice to their limited and sometimes, half baked roles.

Jagjit and Chitra Singh do a wonderful job with the three songs that they are allowed.

My only grouse with the story is that "the other woman" is shown to be mentally ill and insecure. This is so, maybe, to arouse sympathy in the viewer and allow her a reason for this woman's actions.

Frankly, had I made Arth, I would have shown this woman to be normal and happy, just like the rest of us. Why do we want to think that anybody who wrecks someone elses marriage ought to feel compunction ? Haven't we met people, who live life on their own terms, however way ward it may seem to us ?

But, maybe the moral fabric of the early eighties did not allow this privilege to Bhatt.

Some ageless questions that Arth raises -

• Would and should you continue with a love-less marriage, only because you are burdened with an emotionally dependant partner ?
• Will and can there be an end to the roving eye of a partner ? Can an erring husband/wife really remain fidel and be in love forever with a single person ? Can you be sure that they won't leave the second partner for a third, more exciting one ?
• If the tables are turned, will the erring partner, be magnanimous enough to forgive and forget and re-build a relationship ?
• Is it necessary to be in a relationship at all to complete oneself ?
  

If you have read the book, it's a definite handicap. If you haven't, the movie, still, might fail to rise up to your expectations.

I fall in the first category.

Loosely inspired by Five Point Someone, 3 Idiots can be called the journey of 3 friends, through the grind of an engineering college, a journey interspersed with "chicken soup for the soul" fundae, romance and other such masala.

Enough has been said about the movie and the performances. So, I wouldn't do it again.

However, I do wish to share what I felt about Ryan Oberoi from Five Point Someone.

Ryan became a cult figure for me. A boy, hard to understand, given his tough exterior, impenetrable mind and a hidden, soft heart.

Sharp, witty and perfect, even with his faults.

A rebel with a cause.

I am sure Aamir could have essayed the character well. Only if, the writing had allowed him to.

This is where 3 Idiots failed or me.

Too often, Rancho reminded me of Ram Nikumbh of Taare Zameen Par. I was disappointed big time.

Leave Ryan, the movie on its own, can't match up with Hirani's previous works.

The Munnabhai Series had humour and magical moments, moments which remain with the viewer forever.

3 Idiots falls flat on that parameter.

For me, 3 Idiots will remain a masala movie, good in parts, but without much magic.

Please don't kill me for writing yet another review.

Normal blogging should be back in a while.

For now, I really have to spread the word for Harpreet Singh Bedi, errr.... apna Rocket Singh Yaar !

Yashraj isn't paying me for this. Heck, I had developed a strong dislike for the kind of cinema they were churning out.

But after a long time, I saw a movie that I could discuss long after the credits had rolled.

Don't get fooled with the title. The movie is about a salesman and more.

Apna Harpreet puttar is a "just pass" fresher who, for lack of greener pastures, joins a Computer Firm as a Salesman.

CAT mai toh baithne se raha. Baap Dada ke paas zyada daulat bhi nahi. Toh Chalo Ji, Sales kar lete hain.

He brings excitement, idealism and a naivete to the workplace. As expected from a novice.

So far so sweet.

But just how far can an eager, hardworking and idealistic guy really get?

Are the values he brings to the table enough to survive in the The Big Bad World of Sales?

Will the duffer who hates numbers survive in a game that thrives on daily graphs and charts?

That's really for you to find out.

I will only tell you what you should expect from this package -

• A fresh look, an unexplored plot
• Crisp writing. Killer dialogues. Jaideep Sahni keeps up the great work !
• Great Humour
  
• Finely sketched characters
• Tight editing
• Amazing performances from an ensemble cast
  

This isn't a review of Jab We Met. It's way too late for that.

Last night, JWM, was again being featured on a movie channel.

And I, yet again, sat down to watch it !

I think this is the only movie after Andaz Apna Apna and Swades that I might have watched for God knows how many times.

My fixation with the movie is a source of irritation for people at home.

Faaltu ladki, zindagi mai koi kaam nahi bacha kya ki fir se yehi movie dekh rahi hai...? is often muttered by my brother.

So, I will try to dissect what it is about the movie that I can't get enough of it.

I remember watching JWM while in HK. My brother and cousin had watched it in India and thought it was a good time paas and could be enjoyed for its sweet moments.

Even though they recommended it, I wasn't very keen to watch it, primarily because it had two of the most irritating actors of that time ! Yeah, I thought Shahid & Kareena were an irritating couple.

Two factors, Imitiaz Ali and Shahid & Kareena's separation, led me to watch the movie.

Since then, every time I watch the movie, I come back with a new discovery, a nuance missed while watching it on previous occasions.

I love the movie because of :

• The love story. It is not your girl meets boy routine. It's your girl "in love" meets the boy "lost in the battle of love". The most appealing part of the story is that both, Aditya and Geet, do not set out to impress and patau each other. That they see each other with their inherent differences of opinion and yet fall in love is what makes the movie click for me. Both have certain notions of their "perfect" match and yet come to like and respect each other is endearing. Neither character sets out to "change" the other. Accepting each other as they are is what makes JWM a gem. Obviously, that love can be found in the least expected of times and places also makes it a worthwhile watch
  
• The friendship. That Aditya and Geet start out as friends makes the story more rooted
  
• The dialogues. The "no frills" and simple dialogues make it easy to connect with the characters. No flowery words, no "chaand taare tod laaunga", no zor zabardasti. In fact, nowhere in the movie does Aditya profess his love to Geet. The undercurrents of romance are what make JWM an exciting experience
• The performances. I was surprised to watch Kareena and Shahid come up with such a spectacular act, despite undergoing their break up pangs while the movie was being shot !
  
• Aditya. Shahid Kapoor. No doubt that Kareena brought a new life and meaning to the Sardarni's role. The naive and talkative girl from Bhatinda was an instant hit. Yet, Geet is incomplete without Aditya. I was floored by Shahid, in what I can safely call his best performance till date. He has never looked so handsome, smart, sharp, melancholic, cynical, innocent, brave, wise and playful ! I felt bad when Kareena walked away with all accolades for the movie. Shahid deserved an equal treatment
  
• The "Kutte, Kameene, Keede ki maut marega, Teri Maa Ki...!" scene which remains my favourite till date
  
• The Chota Sardar who runs to Dadaji every time Geet does anything worth some masala. Such a Chuglikhor bachha !
  
• The Dada ji who is always ready with "I told you so"... "Hamari umar mai..." dialogues. Just how much fun can it be to have such a Dada Ji around !
• The jerk boyfriend, Anshuman. Remember the scene... "Yeh Launde mujhe Ganne ke Khet dikhana chahte hain...Kyun dekhun mai ganne ke khet, kya hai ganne ke khet main? Nahi dekhne mujhe yeh Ganne ke khet !!" Just how could any girl fall for such an idiot? :D
  
• The "aa aa aa aa" in the song Tum Se Hi
  
• The lyrics of Tum Se Hi
• The snow of Shimla/Manali combined in Yeh Ishq Hai
• The authentic use of a Washing Machine in the song Mauja Hi Mauja. Yes, if you observe closely, the Lassi being served to guests is being churned in a washing machine ! This is what is actually done in rural India and Punjab, specifically
• Hotel Decent
  
• A clean romantic comedy which one can watch anytime one wishes to